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On a cool evening
inside an unfamiliar apartment, anxiety grew in my chest as my date
insisted he would not take me home. His breath was thick and rank
with alcohol.
I felt tense sick because I knew he had not drink anything while he
was with me. Yet, his mood has suddenly changed.
As he stalked around the room, I could tell something bad was about
to happen.. I headed for the door. Seconds later, my feet were swept
from beneath me. Time, as I knew it, came to a halt.
My body felt as if it had been slammed with incredible force, and I
could not catch my breath. Every movement seemed to be in slow
motion. I felt physically exhausted. His hands stung as he began to
tear at my hair and clothes.
My cries and screams
seemed inaudible, and I suffered painful repercussions for my
resistance. All of a sudden his hands cut off my ability to cry and
breathe, and I was jolted to the harsh reality that I might die.
Transparent curtains of smoke began to cover my eyes. I felt
complacent, although somber. A bright light seemed to overwhelm the
room.
I could hear myself choking; I could feel his fingers groping at my
clothes. And I could see his eyes following the work of his free
hand to undo my pants. It was then that my will to live and to fight
returned.
I lied still for a moment. Then with all my might I swung a free
hand at a sensitive spot beneath his jaw. I ran from the apartment,
but I had no cell phone, no idea where I was and there was no one in
sight. I slid underneath a car in the parking lot and hid.
Within minutes he was walking through the parking lot in search of
me. My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by an overpowering
awareness of fear. It must have been suppressed during the incident,
but fear was now shaking my body. My jaws chattered, my legs
thrashed about my hands clinched each other.
When he decided to go back in his apartment, I ran in the road.
Miraculously, a police car passed.
I cannot think of another moment so haunting as this. In the months
that followed, police reports, attorney interviews and recounts of
the event to family and close friends were difficult. I cannot help
but chastise myself for being so trustful, even when my gut instinct
told me I WAS NOT SAFE.
If I had remembered the following things, I believe I never would
have been in that situation. I hope other girls can learn from my
experience:
- do not go out on a date alone with a guy you do not know well.
That cute guy you pass in the halls is not someone you know
extremely well!
- Never go anywhere without a cell phone. Even if it doesn't
have service, it can be used to call 911 if the battery is charged.
- Always know your location and keep your roommate or a friend
updated where you are throughout the evening.
It may have been a dreadful night
for me, but I will never regret that experience. A little of that
fear follows me everyday, and I believe keeps me safe. I will never
again be so naïve as to think I am invincible. I will never again be
so trusting. And hopefully, I will never again be exposed to this
kind of anger and violence again.
This article was published on the
2004 spring issue of The Informer and March 2004 issue of
For Safety's Sake High School version
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